i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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