I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think i got beer on your cat.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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