maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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