he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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