Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize