i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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