Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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