I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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