I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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