the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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