i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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