Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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