That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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