she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize