i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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