I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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