I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize