The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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