i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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