In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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