I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize