We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize