I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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