we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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