I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize