Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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