I just saw a hot homeless man
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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