i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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