He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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