i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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