I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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