I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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