Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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