just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Randomize