her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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