if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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