and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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