well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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