I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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