The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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