you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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