She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They have beer where we have blood.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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