Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize