I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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