i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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