he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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