I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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