I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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