I think I just saw someone hide a body.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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