Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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